Recently I have self diagnosed myself with a new disease, or more likely a syndrome. The eventual diagnosis has taken a considerable amount of time, but I am hoping through the discovery of it I can make my way down the road to recovery.
I call it the 'grass is always greener syndrome' and most of the symptoms include drastically comparing oneself to every other person you come across, whoever they are, and arriving at the conclusion that their life is always sunnier than yours.
It is extremely frustrating as I feel like I am constantly driving myself into a state of self pity and disappointment by analysing every detail of my life, however small and creating a zone of misfortune around it. I have really perfected the flipping of something positive into its negative counterpart.
Now don't get me wrong, I am not discussing this in order to lament on how awful and unfulfilled my life is, I am extremely grateful for the good things that I have in it, but I am always constantly aware of the slight niggle I have at the back of my mind whispering to me it should be better, like everyone elses seems.
For example, that woman I see walking down the street is currently in her perfect job that fits in beautifully with her perfect partner who regularly enjoy trips to the countryside together alongside their two retrievers, probably called something adorable like Bill and Ben.
Okay, this is an extreme example that is currently making me want to vomit, but you get my drift. I know the entire notion of it is ridiculous, but it's so difficult to break the cycle.
Why does everything you don't have look so much better than what you do?
Wednesday, 8 May 2013
Monday, 29 April 2013
The Processing of Information
As I have previously told you, I am currently reading an English Literature degree. This, as I'm sure most of you will have guessed, involves a lot of reading. I am not about to proceed with a moan about how much time this takes out of my day, or how I dislike having to constantly have my head in a book as I do understand how ridiculous that would sound. It was my own decision after all to study literature. I would like to, however, to draw attention the world of mysterious and confusing literature.
Some of the most recent texts I have been studying include William Blake's Urizen and James Joyce's Ulysses and for those of you who have not had the life changing chance to read and process them, you will not be able to comprehend quite how confusing they both are. I mean, seriously Joyce, I understand that this is quite possibly one of the greatest pieces of modern literature, but at some points were you literally just putting words on a page?
In my recent seminar in which we were discussing Blake and Urizen I made the highly educated point that the text was in fact 'confusing and I didn't really get it.'
My seminar leader's reply....
'That's the point. You're not supposed to get it.'
Now, I love a good old tough piece of literature with huge amounts of allusions and metaphorical images, but I fail to understand what the point is of writing something that no one is ever going be able to recognise what the images, or the words actually mean. How can literature be considered inspired and fantastic if no one knows what it really means?
For all we know Blake wasn't trying to write his own version of the Bible. Maybe it was just a fancy to do list.
Some of the most recent texts I have been studying include William Blake's Urizen and James Joyce's Ulysses and for those of you who have not had the life changing chance to read and process them, you will not be able to comprehend quite how confusing they both are. I mean, seriously Joyce, I understand that this is quite possibly one of the greatest pieces of modern literature, but at some points were you literally just putting words on a page?
In my recent seminar in which we were discussing Blake and Urizen I made the highly educated point that the text was in fact 'confusing and I didn't really get it.'
My seminar leader's reply....
'That's the point. You're not supposed to get it.'
Now, I love a good old tough piece of literature with huge amounts of allusions and metaphorical images, but I fail to understand what the point is of writing something that no one is ever going be able to recognise what the images, or the words actually mean. How can literature be considered inspired and fantastic if no one knows what it really means?
For all we know Blake wasn't trying to write his own version of the Bible. Maybe it was just a fancy to do list.
Sunday, 14 April 2013
Always a Woman to me
Recently returning to uni has thrust me straight back into a situation with a close friend of mine I have allowed the holidays and the distance apart to cover up. I allowed the distractions of home to lull myself into a false sense of security that the situation in question would just disappear when I arrived back.
Unfortunately it hasn't.
To sum up 'the situation' as it will now henceforth be known: it involved a member of the opposite sex and has been wildly blown out of proportion. I accepted my blame for my part and a month and a half later I am still paying the price, not only from her, but from the majority of that particular friendship group.
Therefore I have decided to draw up an outline of women for my own and others future reference. I don't wish to be detrimental to my sex and perhaps the majority of women are unlike the ones I am discussing, but heed this warning.
1. Girls love to play the victim. For example, you have made a mistake and subsequently upset a friend and they're currently hurting, what do you suppose their first action is? That's right, to start rallying troops for the sympathy vote. The sounds of 'how could she do that to you?!' and 'What a b***h!' are like music to a scorned girls ears. Whether it be mutual friends, family members or even random members of the public they will try to increase their strength twofold to drag you down. Brutal, but true.
2. They cannot let ANYTHING go. Even after the hours of discussing each others feelings and getting to the bottom of just what a rubbish friend you have been, the deed will linger like the smell of smoke for an extended length of time even after the fire has gone out. They will always have it stored in a side pocket of the brain in preparation to whip it out in a moment of needed pity or an excuse for how they are now treating you.
3. They work in packs and have to involve themselves in everything. It is a natural reaction for girls fight the corner of the apparent 'victim' and completely turn on the perpetrator regardless of whether 'the situation' is anything to do with them. It is as if morally they feel obliged to become the spokesperson/ knight/ battleaxe/ protector of said victim. This is especially irritating as the perpetrator must now try and resurrect things with people they have never even said a bad word to.
4. Finally, they never believe the truth. Girls are wonderful over-thinkers who take delight in mulling things over to death. They will come up with their own version of events regardless of what you tell them that in their mind will always be the truth. So what if you didn't actually mean for any of this to happen? To them it will have been a cold-hearted calculated set of events and that is the way it will stay even if you manage to prove them wrong.
Rant over. It is now time to delve into the hornets nest with little on but a t shirt.
Ah well, who wants life to be easy?
Unfortunately it hasn't.
To sum up 'the situation' as it will now henceforth be known: it involved a member of the opposite sex and has been wildly blown out of proportion. I accepted my blame for my part and a month and a half later I am still paying the price, not only from her, but from the majority of that particular friendship group.
Therefore I have decided to draw up an outline of women for my own and others future reference. I don't wish to be detrimental to my sex and perhaps the majority of women are unlike the ones I am discussing, but heed this warning.
1. Girls love to play the victim. For example, you have made a mistake and subsequently upset a friend and they're currently hurting, what do you suppose their first action is? That's right, to start rallying troops for the sympathy vote. The sounds of 'how could she do that to you?!' and 'What a b***h!' are like music to a scorned girls ears. Whether it be mutual friends, family members or even random members of the public they will try to increase their strength twofold to drag you down. Brutal, but true.
2. They cannot let ANYTHING go. Even after the hours of discussing each others feelings and getting to the bottom of just what a rubbish friend you have been, the deed will linger like the smell of smoke for an extended length of time even after the fire has gone out. They will always have it stored in a side pocket of the brain in preparation to whip it out in a moment of needed pity or an excuse for how they are now treating you.
3. They work in packs and have to involve themselves in everything. It is a natural reaction for girls fight the corner of the apparent 'victim' and completely turn on the perpetrator regardless of whether 'the situation' is anything to do with them. It is as if morally they feel obliged to become the spokesperson/ knight/ battleaxe/ protector of said victim. This is especially irritating as the perpetrator must now try and resurrect things with people they have never even said a bad word to.
4. Finally, they never believe the truth. Girls are wonderful over-thinkers who take delight in mulling things over to death. They will come up with their own version of events regardless of what you tell them that in their mind will always be the truth. So what if you didn't actually mean for any of this to happen? To them it will have been a cold-hearted calculated set of events and that is the way it will stay even if you manage to prove them wrong.
Rant over. It is now time to delve into the hornets nest with little on but a t shirt.
Ah well, who wants life to be easy?
Friday, 12 April 2013
Concentration
As many people my age still taking part in full time education, I am plagued with the necessity of my concentration lasting for more than twenty seconds. Unfortunately, it is exactly 10.47 am and mine is already waning. I know I have less than a week until the blasted essay is due for submission, but holding my attention to the less than full word document is becoming nigh impossible.
Why is it that every other menial task seems far more important when it acts as a life raft from something that you don't want to have to do, but know you have to?
For example: I did not have to read an article this morning on transgender children. I convinced myself it would be very educational to learn about something that I may come across at a later date in life. My excuse was that I was preparing myself.*
It is endlessly frustrating. Especially since now all I can concentrate on is the fact that I can't concentrate. Perhaps through my concentration on concentration I can morph some words about Chaucer and his Canterbury Tales that will not only make sense, but blow the literary educated minds due to my fresh take on something written around a millennium ago.
Come on Geoffrey, help a fellow literature enthusiast out.
*If you do by chance have the article on transgender children from last weeks Times Magazine, I do recommend giving it a read as I did in fact find it very thought provoking.
Why is it that every other menial task seems far more important when it acts as a life raft from something that you don't want to have to do, but know you have to?
For example: I did not have to read an article this morning on transgender children. I convinced myself it would be very educational to learn about something that I may come across at a later date in life. My excuse was that I was preparing myself.*
It is endlessly frustrating. Especially since now all I can concentrate on is the fact that I can't concentrate. Perhaps through my concentration on concentration I can morph some words about Chaucer and his Canterbury Tales that will not only make sense, but blow the literary educated minds due to my fresh take on something written around a millennium ago.
Come on Geoffrey, help a fellow literature enthusiast out.
*If you do by chance have the article on transgender children from last weeks Times Magazine, I do recommend giving it a read as I did in fact find it very thought provoking.
Wednesday, 10 April 2013
Introductions...
Hi,
I would like to formally introduce myself as the author of this blog. I have never done anything along these lines before, so you may have to bear with me. I am female, nineteen years of age and live...well you don't really need to know that do you?
What am I doing in cyberspace?
That's a good question. I'm not completely sure at this current moment in time, but I like to think I am giving myself a voice, however tiny it may be. I guess I have a strange notion that somewhere people might be interested in my thoughts on the world.
My life is neither boring, nor unimaginably exciting. I am currently reading a degree in English Literature, I work in a pub during the holidays and I enjoy going to the gym and riding my horse...occasionally.
Those are the basics. Now we move forth from amateur to professional...
Easy J
I would like to formally introduce myself as the author of this blog. I have never done anything along these lines before, so you may have to bear with me. I am female, nineteen years of age and live...well you don't really need to know that do you?
What am I doing in cyberspace?
That's a good question. I'm not completely sure at this current moment in time, but I like to think I am giving myself a voice, however tiny it may be. I guess I have a strange notion that somewhere people might be interested in my thoughts on the world.
My life is neither boring, nor unimaginably exciting. I am currently reading a degree in English Literature, I work in a pub during the holidays and I enjoy going to the gym and riding my horse...occasionally.
Those are the basics. Now we move forth from amateur to professional...
Easy J
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